This post comes in the wake of my mind completely healing itself of damage i had thought would be irreversible. I fought, i lost and then i whined. Then again, i fought, i experimented and then i triumphed. This post is not a lecture on philosophy or moral values. I aint no Gandhi or Hitler to inspire the masses. But when i keep hearing people around me say 'my time is not right' or ''so much bad luck around me', i cant help but wonder why they say winners always win while losers can only whine.
2010 was not a great year at all for me, if i took it in till the mid year that is. Things were going bad. Personal and professional. But i remained strong, i studied and i returned to Kochi, eager to write my Gate exams. The days were tense indeed. So much was at stake. Reputation, honour and months of hard work. Not to forget the dreams of a family wanting to see its first IIT entrant. Why i took upon this mammoth task into my sleep induced brain is something i still cant fathom. How could i have become so mature about what i wanted in life all of a sudden? It just didnt seem right. Something somewhere was missing. I had changed from a no good bum to a career oriented professional in just 6 months. I was expected to clear the exams easily and get into an IIT. Some dreams at that. Feb 14th....the day when dim witted guys spend their money buying old flowers and rotten worded cards for a girl they barely know and singles keep cursing the day for reminding them of their status, here i was. The same day was my tryst with destiny. The GATE exam, exactly one year back. But it was not to be. Overconfidence and a fractured mind caved into me in the last minute, making me return with a just above average score. I was devastated. I lost trust in God, I lost trust in lots of things. And of all the bad times, my personal life got rocked like anything. Nobody was to be blamed, but the timing was just not right. It was as if my strength was being tested. One loss after another.Being closer to reality always makes one change like never before, prompting an inner self never discovered. The subconscious is resurrected and so it had to happen with the strike of my heart. I had become a pale reflection of my former self. Defeated, lost and clueless. 2010....till April created permanent scars in me that no amount of laughter or friends could wipe away completely. It was like an alarm. Always there to wake you up when you drift off into a new world......
2010 was not a great year at all for me, if i took it in till the mid year that is. Things were going bad. Personal and professional. But i remained strong, i studied and i returned to Kochi, eager to write my Gate exams. The days were tense indeed. So much was at stake. Reputation, honour and months of hard work. Not to forget the dreams of a family wanting to see its first IIT entrant. Why i took upon this mammoth task into my sleep induced brain is something i still cant fathom. How could i have become so mature about what i wanted in life all of a sudden? It just didnt seem right. Something somewhere was missing. I had changed from a no good bum to a career oriented professional in just 6 months. I was expected to clear the exams easily and get into an IIT. Some dreams at that. Feb 14th....the day when dim witted guys spend their money buying old flowers and rotten worded cards for a girl they barely know and singles keep cursing the day for reminding them of their status, here i was. The same day was my tryst with destiny. The GATE exam, exactly one year back. But it was not to be. Overconfidence and a fractured mind caved into me in the last minute, making me return with a just above average score. I was devastated. I lost trust in God, I lost trust in lots of things. And of all the bad times, my personal life got rocked like anything. Nobody was to be blamed, but the timing was just not right. It was as if my strength was being tested. One loss after another.Being closer to reality always makes one change like never before, prompting an inner self never discovered. The subconscious is resurrected and so it had to happen with the strike of my heart. I had become a pale reflection of my former self. Defeated, lost and clueless. 2010....till April created permanent scars in me that no amount of laughter or friends could wipe away completely. It was like an alarm. Always there to wake you up when you drift off into a new world......
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